I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
