Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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