Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
