She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
