If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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