Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
