what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
