i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My vagina is officially offended.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
