Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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