someone get that fucking seahorse.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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