he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
