Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I've blown a few things in my day
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
