I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
