Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
