love makes seman taste better
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize