The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
