Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
