im holly from the hills drunk
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
