Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
