we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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