my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
