i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
