we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
