I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
