so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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