I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
