i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
