You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
