Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
