I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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