You made me cry and you don't even care
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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