The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
