perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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