u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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