I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
