I'm really into asian looking animals
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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