I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
