ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
