he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
