You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
