I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
