What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
His nipple licking is glorious
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