I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
