maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
