He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Panties = found
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
