the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
