Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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