No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
