U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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