People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize