dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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