After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
