Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize