I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
