you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
