I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize