does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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