First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize