My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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