He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
