the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just tell him i said nine months
Is it because I queefed?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
