I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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