you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
