dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize