1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
