he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
