sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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