some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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